Browsing Tag

Empowerment

Energy, Faith, gratitude, Higher Power, Higher self, Hope, Love, You Are Not The Boss Of Me

Another glimpse into “You Are Not The Boss Of Me”.

April 21, 2021
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How does one determine an audience for a memoir?  We are pieces of our experiences and the people we have met along the way. We are all so unique and mystical and diverse and yet still connected.. I do not know about you, but for me being pegged inside a box seems insulting. I like to believe I am authentic yet ever changing. I also like to believe my book appeals to an undetermined and unlimited demographic.

My greatest wish however, would be that young people gravitated to it. I would love for them to see the opportunities I  created from rose coloured glasses and blind faith. In all of my stories and lessons, in my victories and losses, lies an undeniable thread of faith. Faith in ourselves, in the goodness of people and in the source of our energy. Our Higher selves as some will say, God for others, law of attraction, vibration, whatever ones beliefs might be. For let me assure you, one of the greatest gifts of this human journey is our ability to choose what we believe. Why we belittle and look down upon those who follow their own intuitive reality is beyond me. Trying to solve the mystery, unlock the code, discover your soul, meet your spirit, be authentic and love in totality is the adventure. When we find ourselves in proximity to the truth, we are surrounded by joy and awe and ridiculously exciting goosebumps.

To our millennials and Gen Zedders. I hope by throwing my ego out the window in my book and sharing my sky 4EA0E70A-CEBA-4AA4-976B-3C34E910C4FEis falling apocalypses you come to understand you have nothing to fear. I hope you begin to question the illusion of  society and begin to see your life truly is the narrative you give it. Trusting and believing in hope and possibilities will offer you limitless potential where as living solely from left brain logic and the fear of judgment from others will become a prison of your own making.
Right and wrong are perception. When you realize the incredible goodness and moral compass that you rely upon is also the same one others are using, you understand our need for love, connection and unity. My book is  about forgiveness and facing fear and learning to love. My book is our story, it speaks to the desires, misguided frailties and limitless potential of who we are.

 

Energy, gratitude, Hope, Love

Ashamed No More

April 1, 2021
Intuitive painting, I call her Effie from the Hunger Games

Intuitive painting, I call her Effie from the Hunger Games

Dear society, 

Them, they, those people.

Today I claim my freedom.

I set myself free from your bondage,

I am ashamed no more.

This shame was not caused by you,

it was created by me.

I will not give you that power.

It was I who ignored my own guidance. 

It was I who was too afraid to listen to the pleading of my soul.

It was I who forgot who my contract was with.

My Spirit must reign supreme.

Today I refuse, I refuse your judgments.

I refuse to live in your fear.  

I refuse to obey your conformity.

You cannot smother my light. 

You will not stifle my voice,

I will not shrink from my breath, 

to honour your fear and deny my love.

Society….. I will not be ruled by you.

I don’t live for your pleasure,

I don’t act like you, I do not live for you. 

I am me, you own me not. 

A free person has no grievances.

I am no longer ashamed

I am free

You do you and I will do me.

I love you for YOU, not for what you do for me.

Will you love me for me?

None of us are special but all of us unique.

We are all love and light.

Raise your vibration. 

Let go of all blame, let go of all shame.

Be free like me.



Even if it’s just for a moment…..Be free. 

Energy, Faith, Featured, gratitude, Higher Power, Higher self, Hope, Love

Generation Z- We Need You!

March 18, 2021
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 Dear next generation to rule the world, generation “Z”.

If it was up to me, I would dub you generation “Hope”. I would proclaim this not to pressure you but rather to help you rise above. Rise above the limitations of the material world. See past the old 3 dimensional view of the world and into the power of faith and beyond. 

I am not talking religion for that word alone has been anathematized beyond recognition. If you ever want to do a study on society’s illogical emotional responses to words, God and religion would top the list of contentious verbiage. Faith would be up there but still allows some semblance of sanity when used sparingly.

 What a great challenge for us philosophy nerds – are nerds on the endangered list yet?  Can we pinpoint the most prominent words that create the most discomfort and find a way to make them pure again. Not slang or words of hate, just simple descriptive words or names that create irrational responses. 

If any group of people can make this happen I think it is dear generation Z. Why? They don’t know better and know it all like those of us who have ripened. Our darling Zedders have grown up with the intellect of the world at their finger tips. I trust that they  are still willing to try different search engines and engage in thoughts and ideas that go beyond what is being fed to us on tv and social media.

 Oops, I digressed. Sorry! I do that, I am not the easiest writer to follow. Sometimes inside my head is an episode of hoarders and writing is how I declutter- protect yourself :).

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Back to faith: Faith; as I tend to state in numerous blogs, and an inordinate number of times at that, is the opposite of fear. Faith to me is the only organic, drug free tool that successfully combats depression, anxiety, doubt, stress, lethargy and a host of other complex human sufferings. Before I lose you thinking I am attacking science let me explain.

We are made of energy. Scientists (society’s Gods) have stated and proven this to be fact. I have never set foot in a physics class so I will not even attempt to go into detail. However, from what I have experienced and know, all energy has a source. Which means that we as energetic beings must have a source. So if I have an energy source, does it not make profound sense to try and connect to that source? To try and develop the best possible connection to that source with the least interference? Should that source not be where I go when I am feeling depleted? If there is a source from which I am energetically connected, does it not stand to reason that my emotional, intellectual and physical health are attached to it? 

I am not questioning medication as much as I am questioning a world that does not look at holistic and spiritual resources before introducing medicines that have been PROVEN to have other negative health impacts. Especially as it relates to our children. I do not blame anyone, not parents or health care practitioners and especially not the children. It is not about blame, it is about alternatives that societies prejudicial lens has denied or kept hidden. Once again- Generation Z, can you fix this and bring some  open minded collaborative thought and non explosive conversation to the table here? 

I don’t know about you, but I am of the belief that why would I settle for 150 amp service when I can try and connect to 3 phase power. Or better yet, those lithium crystals that powered the Starship Enterprise, or was it dilithium? Scotty would know, or Data. Would that not be the best green juice you ever drank? Just as we cannot see our energy field but we know it is there, we also cannot see our source. This is easy to follow right?

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know that I personally rise and fall based on my energetic health. Physical and emotional energy being the most prominent and obvious. Yes, we can operate at a base level self propelling on will power, but this method is limiting and completely dependant on outside events and other peoples energy to influence us.  If this is all you desire then stay in the basement and watch tv. If however, you wish more from life, then may I suggest you begin your search for your Source. You notice I said “Your” Source. That is because I honestly believe that determining your own beliefs and purpose is the kick ass exciting reason why we walk as individuals on this earth plane. It is your very own crazy adventure to carve out; why not make it the best life your heart/mind can create? 

Faith is trusting in something you cannot see but know without doubt it exists. You have to feel your way into connecting to it and this is where the miracles happen, where your reality begins to change and life flows to the mystic. This life of faith holds greater adventures, greater clarity and greater focus. I used three greater’s in a row just to drive the ego side of me crazy. The perfectionist is sitting in horror screaming you do not even need a thesaurus to find a better word. I love messing with my ego.

So back to dear generation Z. You have access to all the information of which I speak of. You don’t need to have been born to a family of quantum mechanical physicists or even influenced by the teachings of a wise Shaman or mystic or minister or high priestess. I think of myself as the “She-Wolf”; energized by the moon and the stars and the natural cycles of life both in the sky and on earth. Today anyways, tomorrow I might be spreading pixie dust or over analyzing spread sheets. 

The Sage has the wisdom to understand perception. To honour freedom, to seek truth, and to remain committed to the vision even as the world around appears to be crumbling. This is faith and this is knowing. We are energy, connected to source. We are capable of communicating at a higher level and when we grasp all that this means we will come face to face with human exceptionalism. 

I am sort of writing a book on this, but in the meantime my dear generation Zedders, here is why the spiritual realm is worth your attention. You will discover that fear is something you can control. All of these wars, and injustices and even our reaction to covid are  responses steeped in fear. How can we be living in a world of such vast abundance and yet so many people are feeling helpless, unloved and live in poverty? We have been sharing darkness and victimhood when we could have been giving and sharing from our abundance of light and joy. From a vibrational alignment of our choosing.

Joy is your birthright. Our optimum performance is when we are sharing our high vibrational loving energy. The law of attraction is real. What we extend is what we receive. Note this, look around at the extension of fear through tv, then stop and breathe and realize that your happy reality is just an opposite thought away. I am connected to Source, I am limitless and I am eternal because I am energy. I am a conscious bearer of light, I am an energy God that can make a difference by the simple act of sharing the energy of joy, hope and love. I make a difference in this world by holding up a mirror to you and showing you the incredible love and beauty I see inside you. You can do the same for others, it’s our function and it is your truth. 

Forgiveness, gratitude, Higher self, Hope, Love

Evolution Through Extension

March 11, 2021
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If we try and mandate Love,

We will create apathy.

When we demand kindness,

We will receive grievances.

Nothing holy comes from fear.

Love and kindness evolve from seeds:

Freely shared, happily planted

Joyously extended and reciprocated 

One day; we will choose to create from love instead of reacting to fear.

One day;  we will awaken in paradise. 

Faith, Featured, Higher Power, Hope, Love

Love Made Tangible

May 29, 2020
Sunrise on the St. Lawrence river. May 29, 2020

A small snippet from my labour of love play:  The Wino, The Witch and The Writer.

This is an abridged version of Love Made Tangible

If there is nothing more, then we are nothing more. We are nothing!
 How can it be anything else?
How can it be just an overwhelming collection of stuff? A walk in a Forrest of Fear.
Will I lose this?  Will I miss this?  Will I not be well?
What if? Oh, how I despise what if’s!
 The party is wonderful until the money and wine run out. When the body screams no more and the mind is mangled and twisted in knots of guilt and apprehension. Fear that tomorrow will be something, something other than what we directed. And it will, for we have no control.
No control over the weather, over the elements. No control over the unexpected events.  
 Them, those people that ruined it, those people who did not walk and behave as they were directed, expected. They should have known better, they should have listened, they should have followed our lead.
 How can it be anything else? If there is nothing more than why bother?
Why care how I got stuff?
Why care who I hurt, because you said it was wrong?
If there is nothing more, then tomorrow is nothing but another day to gather more stuff.
Another day to blame “them”.
If there is nothing more, then life is a race shaped by past and future years and not as present and eternal.
 NO! I am alive and I am a brilliant energy!
I am dizzy with a desire to touch and breathe and see and taste.
I am alive and I will to give this gift of all gifts the honour it deserves.
I am alive and I can take each mind-altering emotion and immerse my soul into its lesson.
I am alive and my goal, of all goals, beyond any possession or moment of fame fortune and glory, beyond all else is to embrace Love.
To embrace, know, be, give, immerse and lie in this thing called Love.
I am alive and while I have this gift of life on earth,
I am Love made tangible.
Faith, Higher Power, Hope, Love

Present In Love

May 23, 2019
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Every once in a while I find myself compelled to throw some thoughts out to the world. This is one of those once in a while moments. It’s about Love, death and judgment.

A little over two weeks ago I was at work enjoying my lunch in the sunshine when I got the call. The call from someone that went through hoops to track me down. Someone who knew how close I was to Josh (not his real name).  When he informed me of Joshes sudden passing the night before I was in shock to say the least. I was not expecting that, it was not the narrative I had created for Joshes life. 

My relationship with Josh was complicated. Actually, that’s not true. I think when it comes to love in its purest form we had something special. We had no conditions, no judgments, no desires and for the most part no guilt. There was no history and no blame. It was all of 10 months and began with us meeting and having an instant connection. It ended, well, that is what this confused written piece is all about. How did it end?

I would describe Josh and I as close friend soul mates, step mother, step son- but not really. Josh was 19 years younger than me. He was mourning the loss of his Mother amongst other things when we met. His Mothers name was Wendy. That right there, even more than age will tell you it didn’t matter where the relationship might go, there was one place it would not go. God had placed us together for something else. 

 Initially he gave me the role of teacher and counsellor- At least that appeared to be the dynamics. –  A little spiritual life coaching. He was reaching out for help.  He was not only struggling with the loss of his Mother,  Josh was also struggling with drug addiction and breaking up with the love of his life. Whilst you conjure up your own ideas of what a drug addict looks and behaves like, I promise you Josh will not fit the image in your head. He looked and behaved on the surface like the wholesome looking always smiling healthy, mischievous boy next door. The one you might want your daughter to marry. Regardless, he was struggling and wanted so desperately to be clean.

For the most part, Josh had all of the knowledge, tools and gifts needed to to carve out an amazing life. What he did not have was that connection from his heart to his mind. He either ran on ego, or he ran on an open heart. The open heart would get crushed or the ego would destroy him. He knew only two ways to live. Wide open and vulnerable – Or run, crash and burn. 

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Spending so much time with Josh, I was amazed by his lack of concern about the optics. I was this older woman he was seen with all over this small town. Walking, shopping, having coffees and going on drives. Movies, dinner. It didn’t matter, Josh never made me feel he wanted to be elsewhere. He had this amazing beautiful quality. I found myself wanting what Josh had. This unique ability to openly embrace the people in and around his life in the present moment. I wanted to learn how to remain present. To not be concerned what others around might think. What used to frighten me about societal judgment was losing its grip on me. Because of Josh I was learning to follow my heart and not my head in situations that used to make me uncomfortable. I told him my heart would say to hug someone but my ego told me not to. I saw in his actions that following the way of love was always the right response.

For the ten months that I knew him, Josh and I got together or spoke almost everyday. Oddly for me it was not suffocating. That was another unexpected gift of our relationship. We had a bond that was emotional, intellectual and spiritual. We talked about anything and everything without fear. No control, no judgment. I did not go home feeling energetically depleted. I began to wonder how much of my suffocation with people in the past had to do with unconsciously protecting, hiding and trying to be what I thought they wanted me to be. Josh was teaching me how to interact by just being me.

Which brings me back to the day May 6th when I had been told of Joshes passing. I was in shock and I cried like a baby. I left work and cried all afternoon. I spoke with the hornet flying around my living room and called him Josh. I was under the impression it was an overdose and I let that hornet know I was angry, lost and heartbroken. Until the next day when I heard different, when I was told it was a heart attack. And then I was done. I had no tears left. And for the most part, from that day on, I have not felt empty and sad. I have questioned how could I have loved him and not be feeling sad? I miss him, but I have kept busy. Not to avoid facing the void, but because I am feeling empowered. I feel a resurgence of me. A new life, new inspiration. 

A rainbow beginning to come out on the way to Joshes visitation.  (Not his real name)

A rainbow beginning to come out on the way to Joshes visitation. (Not his real name)

 

This is not about losing a close family member, for sure that is different. He may not have been in my life for very long. But as far as my life in Brockville is concerned, he was my best and only close friend. I chose that. So why don’t I cry anymore? Why do I not feel sadness? Josh had a huge impact on my life. Maybe if Josh had died from an overdose I would still be crying. But he didn’t. It was his heart, God took him. Which complicates my thoughts even more.

The last couple of months he was doing so well. I was watching the tides of change. He was handling life with a sense of purpose and confidence I had not seen from him before. His conversations were more often about joy and goals than they were about struggles. He was taking the lead in the direction of his life, no longer asking what he should do. Instead he was telling me what he was doing and why. He was becoming aware of his thought processes and avoiding the negativity that would send him spiralling towards using. He was feeling so much empathy towards others, aware of their needs. It was so promising and exciting to see the transition. Even more amazing was the clarity of his thoughts. He was connecting his heart and mind and challenging me when I was off balance. The answers he was providing me for complex choices had such wisdom. 

I called it Agape, a Higher Love. I think our journey was spiritual in nature from the beginning. I thought I had a purpose in helping him find the strength and faith to overcome his dark shadows. I wanted to see him go on to do the great things I knew he had in him. If the journey however, is the evolution of our soul. Our lessons, our learning to love, our search for truth. Our connection to source and connection to others. Then I like to believe Josh found that connection to source. I like to believe he filled that giant hole in his stomach. I don’t weep because love wants connection, peace and joy. I think he finally found it.

Maybe deep down I knew we would eventually drift apart. There were no chains on our friendship. It was so beautiful in how free and balanced it was. We held immense gratitude in our hearts for each other, but I think somewhere, there was the knowledge it was for a season. 

I believe every life, every connection is for a purpose. I couldn’t understand for all of the times Josh had almost died, why when it looked like he was getting it together he was taken from this world. I thought his life was going to be grand. We talked about all of the wonderful things available to him. His light was shining bright and his future was looking even brighter.  Apparently the light he was seeing at the end of the tunnel, really was the brightest light of all. 

Josh evolved beyond me and I love that. I am no longer sure of what purpose I served. But I do know what knowing Josh has done for me. He was in my life to teach me about love. Living in the present moment now has meaning to me. I don’t have to be anything for someone else. I don’t have to promise tomorrow for someone else. I just have to be present in love in the moment. Whatever choices and promises I make in that moment, if I pay attention to my highest self, those will be the right things to do. I need not offer more and I must not offer less. That is freedom. Josh is with me forever. The gifts he gave me in his presence that do not change. I think of Josh every day. I don’t cry: I feel peaceful, grateful, worthy and loved. In the GPS he provides me from above I hear him. Be present in love Wendy, be present in love. I love how the student became the master teacher. I love how love never ends.

Featured, Hope, Uncategorised

Faster, Stronger, @ Silken Laumann

February 4, 2018

Race Day- New gloves to help with the calluses.

It’s called Erging, that’s what the rowers do for dry land training, they erg. I have been erging for almost a month now, slowly building stamina and mastering my technique. The calluses on my hands make this real. Real like I could walk around St. Catharine’s during the Royal Canadian Henley Regatta and ask people if they have seen my crew.

There are only two erging machines at the fitness club I joined, so I question if I should share this. What if the other women start to discover the joy of erging? I am not sure how I feel about having to wait my turn to get my erg on. Just me and my moving vision board. Close those eyes, put the play list on shuffle and live it. Rowing on the St Laurence, home of 1000 islands and dreaming which one will be my retreat and who will be there waiting for me? Fabio?  Perhaps a road trip to the Okanagan Valley in Kelowna BC?

In my head while Erging I think I have won at least 10 Olympic gold medals. Two of them were in doubles rowing although I am not sure if the young woman next to me was aware that we won. She did tell me her name is NOT Marnie McBean or Kathleen Heddle. She also had no idea what I was talking about when I mentioned I wanted to be the Silken Laumann of Erging. I have decided to tone it down on the rowing lingo. I told one woman she would catch a crab with that stroke and I am not sure she has been back to the gym since.

When I am not erging for gold, I erg for me. Yes I love my country but I have learned you cannot give from an empty cup. Solo erging is more about the breathing and the music. It is heart centred and can be quite spiritual. I call it insperging and hope to offer certification classes once I feel I have mastered it. Insperging involves placing your hopes, dreams, desires at the end of your row. Whether it is career, health, love or healing you bring it to the boat. Put on your music, take a few deep breaths, think about heart centred joy. Close your eyes and imagine each stroke is bringing you closer to your dreams. Here, in this moment. Quiet, powerful, unlimited love and abundance.

Next thing you know, 30 minutes is done and you are ready for Disco Circuit Training or Clubbing It with weights. As your personal empowerment coach I will take you Himalayan stair climbing or La Tour de France seat cycling. When I think you are ready I will introduce you to the treadmill twist and shout.

It’s all in our heads and our hearts. You can go “work “out , or you can go create your dreams. What are you insperging for? Put that music on shuffle and don’t stop until you hear the right song to bring you home. Erg baby Erg, you got this.