Higher Power – Wendy Rae

Faith, Featured, Forgiveness, Higher Power, Higher self, Hope, Love

Their Innocent Light Lives Eternal

August 10, 2021

Their voices could not be silenced.

Even from the grave,

The truth would always surface:

As sure as Spirit loves.

Not if, but when.

And then freedom does follow.

For truth sets our hearts free from the bondage of our shame.

It brings salvation to the impossible…..If we let it.

Mistaken as we may have been;

The wound was not the mistake.

It was the refusal to see our loyalty to fear.

As we seek to punish and lay blame we will be wrong.

It was not our ancestors our ministers and priests.

It was not our political leaders and the elites.

It was fear and our adherence to it.

The lies we tell ourselves to justify doing what goes against our very soul.

Look around you today…..

What lines does fear have us crossing?

Controlling, demanding, attacking and defending.

It never ends…….This need to be right.

Somewhere in this twisted chaos lies the miracle.

A time to forgive every act and every deed.

A time to unite on common ground.

A time to relinquish our desire for control.

For we are not monsters,

We are made zombies by fear.

We are the energy of love in a human form.

When we finally understand the eternal of our Spirit,

Death and disease will be gone,

Yet love will always remain.

Faith, Featured, Forgiveness, Higher Power, Higher self, Hope, Love

Fear Is The Monster! We Are Love: Not Fear.

June 10, 2021

Fear Is The Monster! We Are Love: Not Fear.

The discovery of a grave containing the bodies of 215 Indigenous children has played heavy on the hearts and minds of all Canadians. To me, there is nothing more sacred than the life of a child. The actions, the cover ups and the why are finally being recognized and discussed. Due to the passage of time, much will never be known and of course perception from a different generation makes for a very questionable jury.

Fear can make good people do and try to justify terrible things. Closed minded marriages to institutions and ideologies makes us prisoners of ignorance. We will always fall on the evil we try to hide. It is time for the Catholic Church and all other churches where they have been complicit to face their own hypocrisy. In the words of Jesus in Luke 12- “Beware of the Leaven of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.” It does not matter if their very existence is at stake, the church has no standing if it continues to fail the very heart of Christianity by withholding truths and covering up or ignoring “misguided” actions.

There is no Christianity without The Christ who taught Love and relationships. He never demanded adherence through force and His teachings of sowing seeds, non judgment and forgiveness bears no resemblance to controlling and fearful kingdoms of deception. What form of Christianity were they teaching these children? Certainly in torture and judgment not one that looked anything like the ministry of Jesus whose teachings included dire warnings against those who would bring harm to a child. To ignore this?

The inescapable irony (if I may use that word here) being our own self righteous elitism that felt these children equally born to Spirit were in need of our “superior wisdom and cultured morality.” At the end of the day, we now see through the lens of history the ones in need of spiritual saving were not the little ones they were trying to convert, it was the learned ones trying to control the beliefs and lives of another. They were not sowing seeds of hope and love, they were planting fear and exacting control.

In our careless assumptions and lack of trust in each other we frame these acts as being about race and religion. Woven throughout history Black and White, French and English, German and Jew, Irish and Protestant. There is no lack of racial and religious history for us to war over. They might all look a little different but they are all the same. They are all fear. Forever and eternity our atrocities and genocides will continue until we stand together and face the monster that is fear. When we finally forgive, love and trust each other we stop trying to control. Our faith in our goodness sets us free from false narratives.

We must be careful not to judge our ancestors too harshly or lay any merciless guilt upon our nation. Colonization was all we knew and as a collective we probably saw residential schools as being a kind act of assimilation into what we blindly believed to be a more Civilized and altruistic society. What we see today is not the outcome anyone anticipated. In todays light our ancestors were terribly wrong. However we advance through trial and error and hindsight is 2020. Today our vision is not clouded with yesterdays fear. We are not fighting the same imaginary narratives or standing in our ancestors shoes where life was a constant battle of survival. I am not excusing the actions but I am forgiving my ancestors for what they did not know.

Todays battle with fear is in plain sight for those who choose to look. The Covid response with the implementation of mandatory mask wearing and coercive immunization is a prime example of the power of fear. The emergency measures, heavy handed monitoring and public shaming will be judged in the future. Will this be a shining moment in world unity and science saving humanity? Or will they condemn us for the unintended consequences of our actions against a false or manufactured crisis? Will the science save us or is it the most damaging experiment ever enacted in human history? Who will be the monster and who the victim? What monster will they blame for this atrocity? Who is the Us or Them that history will look upon? Will the monsters be those that complied or those who stood up? Like our ancestors we are following the directives of elites. Today we are swirling in the eye of the storm. We are blind to the truth because once again we chose not to face fear. In the future when history judges us it will be without fear writing the 6 O:Clock news. Without the perception of fear, the truth will be sitting in plain sight. Of course, if we choose to continue holding onto our ideologies at the expense of truth, the damage will continue to mount and our days in the sun will continue to be prolonged.

Three wise monkeys encourage us to see no evil, hear no evil and speak no evil. Change evil to fear and try to comprehend how over zealously spreading fear has impacted all of our lives, especially our children. For the sake of our joy we must stop giving fear centre stage. Why can’t we focus on our happiness, hope and possibilities. We need to have more faith in that which is pure and holy, to actually understand what that means with out cringing in religious fear. To know and understand the undeniable power of Love to fix our differences and heal our own mind, body and soul. Maybe it is time for the Academics, scientists and political elite to invite a carpenter to the table?

Nothing changes if nothing changes! Maybe if we stopped following the laws of false idols and started following the laws of the Universe we would truly begin to see the light. What we give we receive. What we teach we learn. What we seek we will find. Dare I believe things are starting to change? Are people starting to question, are they beginning to ask themselves if there really is more to their life than the accumulation of money, work, rinse and repeat?

We can continue with the insanity of doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result. We can continue to follow Fear as we have always done by controlling, punishing, blaming and hating. Or; we could try allowing and understanding and accepting and believing and loving. As I learned through an incredulous intervention “Be Still, and know.” We are safe, we are cared for, we are loved. It is only when we give the snake in the grass our ear that we find ourselves reacting to fear instead of creating in love.

My love and healing energy to all of my brothers and sisters in our Indigenous communities. I pray that one day soon we will finally learn and be able to forgive: Forgive our history, our present and each other. To move forward in truth without yesterdays dark shadows. How much deeper will we love each other when all hate and control and darkness are behind us? Love is always the answer. Love is always our greatest hope. May those 215 innocent souls guide us into the very heart of Spirit, the home from which we all came and the home we will always share.

Energy, Faith, gratitude, Higher Power, Higher self, Hope, Love, You Are Not The Boss Of Me

Another glimpse into “You Are Not The Boss Of Me”.

April 21, 2021

How does one determine an audience for a memoir? We are pieces of our experiences and the people we have met along the way. We are all so unique and mystical and diverse and yet still connected.. I do not know about you, but for me being pegged inside a box seems insulting. I like to believe I am authentic yet ever changing. I also like to believe my book appeals to an undetermined and unlimited demographic.

My greatest wish however, would be that young people gravitated to it. I would love for them to see the opportunities I created from rose coloured glasses and blind faith. In all of my stories and lessons, in my victories and losses, lies an undeniable thread of faith. Faith in ourselves, in the goodness of people and in the source of our energy. Our Higher selves as some will say, God for others, law of attraction, vibration, whatever ones beliefs might be. For let me assure you, one of the greatest gifts of this human journey is our ability to choose what we believe. Why we belittle and look down upon those who follow their own intuitive reality is beyond me. Trying to solve the mystery, unlock the code, discover your soul, meet your spirit, be authentic and love in totality is the adventure. When we find ourselves in proximity to the truth, we are surrounded by joy and awe and ridiculously exciting goosebumps.

To our millennials and Gen Zedders. I hope by throwing my ego out the window in my book and sharing my sky is falling apocalypses you come to understand you have nothing to fear. I hope you begin to question the illusion of society and begin to see your life truly is the narrative you give it. Trusting and believing in hope and possibilities will offer you limitless potential where as living solely from left brain logic and the fear of judgment from others will become a prison of your own making.
Right and wrong are perception. When you realize the incredible goodness and moral compass that you rely upon is also the same one others are using, you understand our need for love, connection and unity. My book is about forgiveness and facing fear and learning to love. My book is our story, it speaks to the desires, misguided frailties and limitless potential of who we are.

Energy, Faith, Featured, gratitude, Higher Power, Higher self, Hope, Love

Generation Z- We Need You!

March 18, 2021

Dear next generation to rule the world, generation “Z”.

If it was up to me, I would dub you generation “Hope”. I would proclaim this not to pressure you but rather to help you rise above. Rise above the limitations of the material world. See past the old 3 dimensional view of the world and into the power of faith and beyond.

I am not talking religion for that word alone has been anathematized beyond recognition. If you ever want to do a study on society’s illogical emotional responses to words, God and religion would top the list of contentious verbiage. Faith would be up there but still allows some semblance of sanity when used sparingly.

What a great challenge for us philosophy nerds – are nerds on the endangered list yet? Can we pinpoint the most prominent words that create the most discomfort and find a way to make them pure again. Not slang or words of hate, just simple descriptive words or names that create irrational responses.

If any group of people can make this happen I think it is dear generation Z. Why? They don’t know better and know it all like those of us who have ripened. Our darling Zedders have grown up with the intellect of the world at their finger tips. I trust that they are still willing to try different search engines and engage in thoughts and ideas that go beyond what is being fed to us on tv and social media.

Oops, I digressed. Sorry! I do that, I am not the easiest writer to follow. Sometimes inside my head is an episode of hoarders and writing is how I declutter- protect yourself :).

Back to faith: Faith; as I tend to state in numerous blogs, and an inordinate number of times at that, is the opposite of fear. Faith to me is the only organic, drug free tool that successfully combats depression, anxiety, doubt, stress, lethargy and a host of other complex human sufferings. Before I lose you thinking I am attacking science let me explain.

We are made of energy. Scientists (society’s Gods) have stated and proven this to be fact. I have never set foot in a physics class so I will not even attempt to go into detail. However, from what I have experienced and know, all energy has a source. Which means that we as energetic beings must have a source. So if I have an energy source, does it not make profound sense to try and connect to that source? To try and develop the best possible connection to that source with the least interference? Should that source not be where I go when I am feeling depleted? If there is a source from which I am energetically connected, does it not stand to reason that my emotional, intellectual and physical health are attached to it?

I am not questioning medication as much as I am questioning a world that does not look at holistic and spiritual resources before introducing medicines that have been PROVEN to have other negative health impacts. Especially as it relates to our children. I do not blame anyone, not parents or health care practitioners and especially not the children. It is not about blame, it is about alternatives that societies prejudicial lens has denied or kept hidden. Once again- Generation Z, can you fix this and bring some open minded collaborative thought and non explosive conversation to the table here?

I don’t know about you, but I am of the belief that why would I settle for 150 amp service when I can try and connect to 3 phase power. Or better yet, those lithium crystals that powered the Starship Enterprise, or was it dilithium? Scotty would know, or Data. Would that not be the best green juice you ever drank? Just as we cannot see our energy field but we know it is there, we also cannot see our source. This is easy to follow right?

I know that I personally rise and fall based on my energetic health. Physical and emotional energy being the most prominent and obvious. Yes, we can operate at a base level self propelling on will power, but this method is limiting and completely dependant on outside events and other peoples energy to influence us. If this is all you desire then stay in the basement and watch tv. If however, you wish more from life, then may I suggest you begin your search for your Source. You notice I said “Your” Source. That is because I honestly believe that determining your own beliefs and purpose is the kick ass exciting reason why we walk as individuals on this earth plane. It is your very own crazy adventure to carve out; why not make it the best life your heart/mind can create?

Faith is trusting in something you cannot see but know without doubt it exists. You have to feel your way into connecting to it and this is where the miracles happen, where your reality begins to change and life flows to the mystic. This life of faith holds greater adventures, greater clarity and greater focus. I used three greater’s in a row just to drive the ego side of me crazy. The perfectionist is sitting in horror screaming you do not even need a thesaurus to find a better word. I love messing with my ego.

So back to dear generation Z. You have access to all the information of which I speak of. You don’t need to have been born to a family of quantum mechanical physicists or even influenced by the teachings of a wise Shaman or mystic or minister or high priestess. I think of myself as the “She-Wolf”; energized by the moon and the stars and the natural cycles of life both in the sky and on earth. Today anyways, tomorrow I might be spreading pixie dust or over analyzing spread sheets.

The Sage has the wisdom to understand perception. To honour freedom, to seek truth, and to remain committed to the vision even as the world around appears to be crumbling. This is faith and this is knowing. We are energy, connected to source. We are capable of communicating at a higher level and when we grasp all that this means we will come face to face with human exceptionalism.

I am sort of writing a book on this, but in the meantime my dear generation Zedders, here is why the spiritual realm is worth your attention. You will discover that fear is something you can control. All of these wars, and injustices and even our reaction to covid are responses steeped in fear. How can we be living in a world of such vast abundance and yet so many people are feeling helpless, unloved and live in poverty? We have been sharing darkness and victimhood when we could have been giving and sharing from our abundance of light and joy. From a vibrational alignment of our choosing.

Joy is your birthright. Our optimum performance is when we are sharing our high vibrational loving energy. The law of attraction is real. What we extend is what we receive. Note this, look around at the extension of fear through tv, then stop and breathe and realize that your happy reality is just an opposite thought away. I am connected to Source, I am limitless and I am eternal because I am energy. I am a conscious bearer of light, I am an energy God that can make a difference by the simple act of sharing the energy of joy, hope and love. I make a difference in this world by holding up a mirror to you and showing you the incredible love and beauty I see inside you. You can do the same for others, it’s our function and it is your truth.

Faith, gratitude, Higher Power, Higher self, Hope, Love, You Are Not The Boss Of Me

Chapter 4- Fly Like An Eagle

March 12, 2021

I wrote You Are Not The Boss Of Me in stream of consciousness. Like the evolution of the book, it was not intentional.

I began writing “Boss” as a private letter in which I was sharing with unguarded honesty my gratitude to an unknown deity for an unfathomable happening. That secret letter, when I had completed it, seemed more like a chapter than a note. I vividly remember thinking, “oh,” I am writing a book; Or is that “We” are writing a book? And I remember intuitively knowing this book must be written from truth and with love. That chapter (11) had almost no edits and stream of consciousness became a great way of not only sharing from the most vulnerable of positions, it also became a way to explain actions through perception.

I call it our story as it is so relatable even if the events are different. We all fear and we all love. We all have perceived needs, strengths and doubts. I believe anyone that studies nature vs nurture will have their hands full of scenarios from my book to consider behavioural patterns. Anyone who is open minded and curious will be given ample material to continue questioning the spiritual and logical nature of life.

My biggest lesson from writing this has been learning to love myself. To be able to look at my failures and my victories and realize I am an invincible brilliant Spirit or a wounded human ego. Every single day I wake up, I get to choose whether I am love living in paradise where every desire and need is fulfilled; or will I be fear conspiring with a snake about how the world is not fair? More often than not, I am choosing love, even in this world that appears to constantly be peddling fear.

Faith, Featured, Higher Power, Hope, Love

Love Made Tangible

May 29, 2020

A small snippet from my labour of love play: The Wino, The Witch and The Writer.

This is an abridged version of Love Made Tangible

If there is nothing more, then we are nothing more. We are nothing!

How can it be anything else?

How can it be just an overwhelming collection of stuff? A walk in a Forrest of Fear.

Will I lose this? Will I miss this? Will I not be well?

What if? Oh, how I despise what if’s!

The party is wonderful until the money and wine run out. When the body screams no more and the mind is mangled and twisted in knots of guilt and apprehension. Fear that tomorrow will be something, something other than what we directed. And it will, for we have no control.

No control over the weather, over the elements. No control over the unexpected events.

Them, those people that ruined it, those people who did not walk and behave as they were directed, expected. They should have known better, they should have listened, they should have followed our lead.

How can it be anything else? If there is nothing more than why bother?

Why care how I got stuff?

Why care who I hurt, because you said it was wrong?

If there is nothing more, then tomorrow is nothing but another day to gather more stuff.

Another day to blame “them”.

If there is nothing more, then life is a race shaped by past and future years and not as present and eternal.

NO! I am alive and I am a brilliant energy!

I am dizzy with a desire to touch and breathe and see and taste.

I am alive and I will to give this gift of all gifts the honour it deserves.

I am alive and I can take each mind-altering emotion and immerse my soul into its lesson.

I am alive and my goal, of all goals, beyond any possession or moment of fame fortune and glory, beyond all else is to embrace Love.

To embrace, know, be, give, immerse and lie in this thing called Love.

I am alive and while I have this gift of life on earth,

I am Love made tangible.

Faith, Featured, Higher Power, Hope, Love

When The Spirit Of A Child Dances…….

November 17, 2019

Lessons I am learning from a life hard lived….

Each time we impart our biased visions on our children. Visions as to who they are and what a proper life looks like. We are setting up a road block on their journey of self determination.

Self determination is one of the most powerful gifts we can offer our children. Encouraging and helping them learn to love all aspects of themselves. A very critical component in navigating life with a positive disposition and a joyous heart. Loving ourselves is how we learn to accept and love others in the same open minded and compassionate way.

Our perceived need to control who our children become is our own battle with fear; with society’s judgments. These are the things that create depression and anxiety. The disharmony within that stifles the natural needs of the soul.

Don’t we all need to explore and discover what our own unique peace and happiness look like?

What a wonderful gift to be alive in this time period. We no longer need to be narrow minded to survive. We can afford to be expansive so we can fly.

We have the luxury of less strife and more time to teach love, kindness and compassion. Spark curiosity and encourage imagination. Show them inner strength and offer them safety and security in love; not material possessions. Faith in a love that is greater than our fears is essential. Encourage them to explore the physical, emotional and spiritual Source of their energy.

The most personal and important questions we will ever ask ourselves is who am I and why am I here? The mystery of life, the magic and the miracles all stem from the search for those answers.

Inform your children about all of the theories you have heard and tell them about what you believe. But why limit their search to the little box that was drawn for you? Encourage them to find their peak potential and satisfaction by searching for that Higher Love. God, Source energy, the Universe, Higher Power- Whatever nourishes their Higher Selves. Just the knowledge that all life is sacred and they are a light that needs to shine. Shine away the darkness with positive thoughts and energy.

Stop letting fear foster the message of who you want your child to be. Open your heart and let them show you how beautifully they dance to the beat of their own spirit. When we allow everyone to operate according to their own blueprint – their own will: We may discover that our uniqueness operating at peak performance; in tandem with others; creates the luminous and vibrant coloured world we have been searching for.

Faith, Higher Power, Hope, Love

My Life Force Energy Swan Cloud.

October 25, 2019

Landslide and Higher Love= A tale of two songs

On Saturday evening, I was out for a walk and listening to a walkthrough for westerners of the Bhagavad Gita. My quest to communicate with my soul is expanding and going deeper than I ever fathomed. Listening to this timeless eastern philosophy, I became lost in thoughts of why and what is truth. I took a break from my walk, sat on a bench and focused my gaze on the beauty of the St Lawrence river. The brilliant sunshine was blanketing my body. The cooler fall air was refreshing my spirit. I was feeling content and at peace. My world was coming together. I was finally learning to be the pilot of my thoughts and emotions.

In this serene state of being, I watched in awe as this cloud rainbow manifested before my eyes. Was it an Angel ? God and a chariot (I was after all listening to “The Gita”)? Or a swan filled with the life force energy of love? The timing, the beauty of it all captivated me and caused my heart to swell. At that moment I was so keenly aware of my own loving life force energy.

I experienced this Stevie Nicks/ Fleetwood Mac “Landslide” moment. “Oh mirror in the sky what is love?” And – “Well I’ve been afraid of changing, Cause I’ve built my life around you.” – In my case it has been about leaving the old ego me behind. Wanting to grow beyond my shadows and face my truths.

As it began to dissipate, it looked like an eye was staring back at me.

And then I thought of Steve Winwood’s song, Higher Love. It brought me back to a time Seven years ago. I vividly remember being in a trance like state listening to that song and thinking- God, if you exist, please bring me a Higher Love. The world, as I saw it then, was anything but love.

I had no idea at the time, what that love or that God looked like. I had become so far removed from my true self. I had forgotten this body even had a spirit. A soul that was so much more than the wounded warrior I was feeding at the time. Landslide, Higher Love. This cloud and these songs were telling me something.

In that moment, it became clear as to what I was being shown. In Divine style, that once seemingly awkward God has filled my heart and completely changed my life; or at least my perception of life.

Ask and you shall receive? Bring me a Higher Love. Of all the things I asked for that I imagined would turn my life around, I now know that one ask was all that mattered. What we need, not what we think we need. Trust and surrender. So I have been graced with an understanding; a capacity to feel and create and learn to recognize, miracles and acts of love. The pure state of joy and peace found within the revelation. God heard my call and now I hear his. Bring me a Higher Love. With each step I learn to love more, he brings me closer to that Higher Love.

This journey of spiritual research and development I secretly and naively embarked upon, was it a result of that day? It has brought me through some hefty turmoil and raging fires. And sometimes, I feel it has been the cause of them. Internally and externally. It has been excruciatingly uncomfortable turning to something eschewed or scoffed at by so many. Soul searching alone in the wilderness pitting my loving heart against my ego mind. Redefining my definition of intellect. Wholesale change, a complete 180. Yet a 180 that has provided me the opportunity to see the world 360.

This is not religion! This is the knowing and the seeing. The truth of intuition. The understanding of what life can be, of what life is and who we are. We are energy, and when we connect to the source of our energy we are infinitely more than the limitations of self propelled power. Love is our source and it is the joy within each of us, to explore and determine what that love looks like. I call it God, but that is all encompassing. I still aspire for greater understanding.

St Lawrence river 5:14 pm October 19, 2019. How my Swan cloud looked 5 minutes prior.

“ I’ve been afraid of changing”- That landslide, that ego coming down. When we marinate silently in the anguish of perceived hurts, if we are open and willing; we will come face to face with that ego. When we courageously look upon the shadows that have created our fears; we realize they are nothing. We realize that the shadows are always so much larger than the monster we perceived. It is the illusion of the narrative. The world will think this, or this will happen- because our ego so smart by half thinks it knows all. Made up fear, non existent. All we ever had to do was face the little monster and not the massive shadows. Without fear we can finally see truth. For when truth sets in, it is not pin pointed or won over, it is just known.

5:25 pm

And so here I sit, seven years later, rethinking how I do life. The capacity of the human mind to learn and create and decipher is magnificent. Our existence and capabilities are an awe in their own right. Just as we do not rise up when we belittle others. Our capability to discern through science should be about bringing us closer to awe, not about trying to prove awe does not exist. Not trying to tear it down. Why do we strive to remove hope and love from our lives? Why? Does our ability to break down the awe into little ingredients make us happy?

It’s not that God put that cloud in the sky just for me to see, it’s that he placed me there and had me look up. He gave me a glimpse into the promise of spiritual fulfillment. Insight into what a Higher Love looks like. For all of those who needed it, who prayed for it, who were finally waking up and willing to see it. He painted the most beautiful picture and left an impression on our souls. Our life is a gift! Wonder and awe are always present. I just can’t see it sometimes. What always saves me from my ego is my faith in the mystery. “Oh Mirror in the sky, what is love?” I know when I open my eyes with my heart, I am completely whole in this Higher Love.

The child within, said “Embrace the magic.”

Faith, Featured, Forgiveness, Higher Power, Hope, Love

Why We Must Forgive

October 19, 2019

Why We Must Forgive- Thoughts born from my search for truth and my learnings from A Course In Miracles.

I keep hearing the call for a brave new way of doing things. This next generation has not only a very strong desire for transformation; they have unlimited access to far reaching methods of communication. Their ability to advance the tides of change must not be underestimated.

However, change for the sake of change is no cause for celebration. To leave their mark on this world, or at least the mark I am sure they desire, there must be vision. Is that vision vengeance or is it peace? We must not ignore the sense of entitlement and victimhood that has permeated their human experience. The faithless fearful teachings of the thought police. Their intentions are good but their perspective is limited. Will they follow the fear- the desire for power and control? Or will they see beyond and focus on kindness, the free will and rights of everyone to live a life of self determination- Will they lead from love?

I see a world that at times appears overly anxious to condemn anyone for thoughts and ideals. A world where the pendulum has been swinging to extremes. The plethora of issues we are attempting to solve through intimidation all have a common thread. We are attempting to battle fear without faith; yet faith is the opposite of fear. Before we attempt to invoke change, we need to address the genesis of our fragmentation.

We cannot continue to carry the actions of our ancestors (our past) into our future and expect to find peace while we hold onto anger. We cannot judge from todays perspective what we did not live, and expect to uncover truth. Why do we continue to hold one another in contempt? We seek punishment like the freedom from our suffering depends on it. It does not.

The healing of the world looks the same as the healing of our individual souls. We must remove the heavy armour of victimhood and adorn ourselves in the light of forgiveness. We forgive each other and we forgive ourselves. Not the act, which may have been unforgivable; but we forgive the mistaken hearts and minds so they hold no power over us. In forgiveness we free ourselves from the heavy burden of carrying this hopeless and wretched pain. The toxic poison of anger and resentments will bring the death of freedom and joy without the antidote. The antidote is Forgiveness.

How far back do we go? Injustices have occurred since the beginning of time. How is demanding restitution from generations once, twice, or many more times removed advancing our evolution? We cannot change the past, we cannot find our salvation punishing the innocent children of the perpetrators and call it justice.

Until we forgive, we will remain at war. Tortured and lost souls seeking freedom from our suffering in darkness. The light is in us, but we refuse to shine it. How crazy is that?

Fear insists we follow its narrative that salvation is in punishment. Why does it drive us relentlessly seeking vindication.? Our ego desperate to hear the words we were wronged. I get it, I completely understand the perceived need, but at what cost? We sacrifice years of our lives, in some cases our whole life waiting for that day. Just to hear someone publicly say they were wrong? The acknowledgment that what happened was indeed horrendous, or not our fault, or ugly and wrong in every conceivable way? And yes I say to all of that, except for the fact that without forgiveness our lives are lost a second time to victimhood. Victimhood- The ruthless sword of vengeance that we unwittingly turn upon ourselves.

In addition to our own salvation, forgiveness offers healing and protection to the world. For without forgiveness, the unforgiven will become the helpless, the loveless and the hopeless. A world without hope and love is a world in fear. Only from fear do atrocities occur. Only from fear do we turn off our own light and bring darkness to our hearts. Only from fear do we place our future in the hands of an ego in search of retribution.

As I discovered In miraculous fashion; “The truth will set us free.“ It’s not about hearing the truth spoken out in words, but learning to honour and embrace the truth in and of itself. In what at times appears to be an unspiritual world, we must find the faith to let it go. Let God, Karma, the Universe or whatever faith you can reach out to (please tell me you have faith in something) let that faith mete out justice. Let the God of your understanding decide how, when, and to whom the truth makes its presence known. Turning the other cheek makes profound sense to me now. We must speak the truth and communicate the wrong. If that does not bring forth resolution then act from integrity, forgive and walk away. Knowing without doubt, that the truth will come out in time. In Divine time. As it is meant to and in the most poignant and unimaginable fashion. With the magnitude and certainty of a revelation.

What if we forgave all these past injustices? What if we forgave all the evil from our history? Genocides, slavery, internments, and confiscations. The brutal acts against humanity. All the heinous crimes that happened. We acknowledge the evil of the acts, we acknowledge that we are not those acts. We acknowledge the fear driven lessons then surrender our need to hold onto the pain. What does a world forgiven look like?

It looks like you and I starting over on uncorrupted innocent ground. A haven where we have no walls of distrust between us. No judgments and no hate. We have no desire for control, no battle raging. We are meeting again for the first time; no labels and no preconceived ideas. We meet in the light and not the darkness. Freedom from the bitterness and anguish of our past. In this moment, we are accepted, respected and loved. What every human soul has ever longed for. That churning incessant ache within has been filled with hearts united in acceptance, respect and love.

So this brave new world our children are creating. My dream is that they do what we could not. That they silence the incessant howling of fear and face it’s toothless jaws. Society has been spreading the seeds of doubt for far too long. Let’s plant new fields of hope and grow this big, beautiful, wondrous new world with love; but let’s call the cornerstone forgiveness.

Wendy Rae is a life long seeker of truth and author of the newly released book – You Are Not The Boss Of Me. A memoir based on her chaotic journey of survival and faith through the hormonal bookends of life.

***Available on Amazon- Please note, I will soon be adding my middle name Lee changing all publications to Wendy Lee Rae. If you are unable to find my book under Wendy Rae please be aware I am in the process of change. There is another Wendy Rae author and I wish to avoid confusion. See, change is inevitable so embrace it with love and make it good. I have always liked my middle name and now I get to use it.

Faith, Higher Power, Hope, Love

Present In Love

May 23, 2019

Every once in a while I find myself compelled to throw some thoughts out to the world. This is one of those once in a while moments. It’s about Love, death and judgment.

A little over two weeks ago I was at work enjoying my lunch in the sunshine when I got the call. The call from someone that went through hoops to track me down. Someone who knew how close I was to Josh (not his real name). When he informed me of Joshes sudden passing the night before I was in shock to say the least. I was not expecting that, it was not the narrative I had created for Joshes life.

My relationship with Josh was complicated. Actually, that’s not true. I think when it comes to love in its purest form we had something special. We had no conditions, no judgments, no desires and for the most part no guilt. There was no history and no blame. It was all of 10 months and began with us meeting and having an instant connection. It ended, well, that is what this confused written piece is all about. How did it end?

I would describe Josh and I as close friend soul mates, step mother, step son- but not really. Josh was 19 years younger than me. He was mourning the loss of his Mother amongst other things when we met. His Mothers name was Wendy. That right there, even more than age will tell you it didn’t matter where the relationship might go, there was one place it would not go. God had placed us together for something else.

Initially he gave me the role of teacher and counsellor- At least that appeared to be the dynamics. – A little spiritual life coaching. He was reaching out for help. He was not only struggling with the loss of his Mother, Josh was also struggling with drug addiction and breaking up with the love of his life. Whilst you conjure up your own ideas of what a drug addict looks and behaves like, I promise you Josh will not fit the image in your head. He looked and behaved on the surface like the wholesome looking always smiling healthy, mischievous boy next door. The one you might want your daughter to marry. Regardless, he was struggling and wanted so desperately to be clean.

For the most part, Josh had all of the knowledge, tools and gifts needed to to carve out an amazing life. What he did not have was that connection from his heart to his mind. He either ran on ego, or he ran on an open heart. The open heart would get crushed or the ego would destroy him. He knew only two ways to live. Wide open and vulnerable – Or run, crash and burn.

Spending so much time with Josh, I was amazed by his lack of concern about the optics. I was this older woman he was seen with all over this small town. Walking, shopping, having coffees and going on drives. Movies, dinner. It didn’t matter, Josh never made me feel he wanted to be elsewhere. He had this amazing beautiful quality. I found myself wanting what Josh had. This unique ability to openly embrace the people in and around his life in the present moment. I wanted to learn how to remain present. To not be concerned what others around might think. What used to frighten me about societal judgment was losing its grip on me. Because of Josh I was learning to follow my heart and not my head in situations that used to make me uncomfortable. I told him my heart would say to hug someone but my ego told me not to. I saw in his actions that following the way of love was always the right response.

For the ten months that I knew him, Josh and I got together or spoke almost everyday. Oddly for me it was not suffocating. That was another unexpected gift of our relationship. We had a bond that was emotional, intellectual and spiritual. We talked about anything and everything without fear. No control, no judgment. I did not go home feeling energetically depleted. I began to wonder how much of my suffocation with people in the past had to do with unconsciously protecting, hiding and trying to be what I thought they wanted me to be. Josh was teaching me how to interact by just being me.

Which brings me back to the day May 6^th when I had been told of Joshes passing. I was in shock and I cried like a baby. I left work and cried all afternoon. I spoke with the hornet flying around my living room and called him Josh. I was under the impression it was an overdose and I let that hornet know I was angry, lost and heartbroken. Until the next day when I heard different, when I was told it was a heart attack. And then I was done. I had no tears left. And for the most part, from that day on, I have not felt empty and sad. I have questioned how could I have loved him and not be feeling sad? I miss him, but I have kept busy. Not to avoid facing the void, but because I am feeling empowered. I feel a resurgence of me. A new life, new inspiration.

A rainbow beginning to come out on the way to Joshes visitation. (Not his real name)

This is not about losing a close family member, for sure that is different. He may not have been in my life for very long. But as far as my life in Brockville is concerned, he was my best and only close friend. I chose that. So why don’t I cry anymore? Why do I not feel sadness? Josh had a huge impact on my life. Maybe if Josh had died from an overdose I would still be crying. But he didn’t. It was his heart, God took him. Which complicates my thoughts even more.

The last couple of months he was doing so well. I was watching the tides of change. He was handling life with a sense of purpose and confidence I had not seen from him before. His conversations were more often about joy and goals than they were about struggles. He was taking the lead in the direction of his life, no longer asking what he should do. Instead he was telling me what he was doing and why. He was becoming aware of his thought processes and avoiding the negativity that would send him spiralling towards using. He was feeling so much empathy towards others, aware of their needs. It was so promising and exciting to see the transition. Even more amazing was the clarity of his thoughts. He was connecting his heart and mind and challenging me when I was off balance. The answers he was providing me for complex choices had such wisdom.

I called it Agape, a Higher Love. I think our journey was spiritual in nature from the beginning. I thought I had a purpose in helping him find the strength and faith to overcome his dark shadows. I wanted to see him go on to do the great things I knew he had in him. If the journey however, is the evolution of our soul. Our lessons, our learning to love, our search for truth. Our connection to source and connection to others. Then I like to believe Josh found that connection to source. I like to believe he filled that giant hole in his stomach. I don’t weep because love wants connection, peace and joy. I think he finally found it.

Maybe deep down I knew we would eventually drift apart. There were no chains on our friendship. It was so beautiful in how free and balanced it was. We held immense gratitude in our hearts for each other, but I think somewhere, there was the knowledge it was for a season.

I believe every life, every connection is for a purpose. I couldn’t understand for all of the times Josh had almost died, why when it looked like he was getting it together he was taken from this world. I thought his life was going to be grand. We talked about all of the wonderful things available to him. His light was shining bright and his future was looking even brighter. Apparently the light he was seeing at the end of the tunnel, really was the brightest light of all.

Josh evolved beyond me and I love that. I am no longer sure of what purpose I served. But I do know what knowing Josh has done for me. He was in my life to teach me about love. Living in the present moment now has meaning to me. I don’t have to be anything for someone else. I don’t have to promise tomorrow for someone else. I just have to be present in love in the moment. Whatever choices and promises I make in that moment, if I pay attention to my highest self, those will be the right things to do. I need not offer more and I must not offer less. That is freedom. Josh is with me forever. The gifts he gave me in his presence that do not change. I think of Josh every day. I don’t cry: I feel peaceful, grateful, worthy and loved. In the GPS he provides me from above I hear him. Be present in love Wendy, be present in love. I love how the student became the master teacher. I love how love never ends.

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