The best days of my life are always the ones where I fill my heart with gratitude and let the joy find its way in. Today was one of those days where I realized my good fortune and made sure I did not let that supercharged energy slip away.
And so I say to all of those book lovers who had the interest and took the time to enter my “You Are Not The Boss Of Me” goodreads giveaway….Thank you. From the bottom of my heart I say I am grateful for your indulging and supporting this unknown author.
I received the list of 15 winners this morning and promptly addressed 15 envelopes. I wrote each of you a note in my messy handwriting and whether or not I got it right, please know it was written from a place of wanting to share the energy of gratitude. Wanting to say there was something for each of us in this experience, after all, does not everyone enter our lives for a reason?
Addressed and ready to hit the post office Monday morning. Let’s hope heading across the border does not delay them for too long.
I wrote You Are Not The Boss Of Me in stream of consciousness. Like the evolution of the book, it was not intentional.
I began writing “Boss” as a private letter in which I was sharing with unguarded honesty my gratitude to an unknown deity for an unfathomable happening. That secret letter, when I had completed it, seemed more like a chapter than a note. I vividly remember thinking, “oh,” I am writing a book; Or is that “We” are writing a book? And I remember intuitively knowing this book must be written from truth and with love. That chapter (11) had almost no edits and stream of consciousness became a great way of not only sharing from the most vulnerable of positions, it also became a way to explain actions through perception.
I call it our story as it is so relatable even if the events are different. We all fear and we all love. We all have perceived needs, strengths and doubts. I believe anyone that studies nature vs nurture will have their hands full of scenarios from my book to consider behavioural patterns. Anyone who is open minded and curious will be given ample material to continue questioning the spiritual and logical nature of life.
My biggest lesson from writing this has been learning to love myself. To be able to look at my failures and my victories and realize I am an invincible brilliant Spirit or a wounded human ego. Every single day I wake up, I get to choose whether I am love living in paradise where every desire and need is fulfilled; or will I be fear conspiring with a snake about how the world is not fair? More often than not, I am choosing love, even in this world that appears to constantly be peddling fear.
There was a time not so long ago that I would not dream of confessing what I am about to share. Cool people do not let on that something actually excites them or impacts them in a particular way. We normally just smile bigger or turn away. Getting swept up in emotions is not cool.
I am like you, a crazy human that is equally capable of nailing it or falling flat on her face. Your need to judge my highs or my lows has nothing to do with me and everything to do with you, and that is a beautiful thing. Through each other we recognize ourselves, our fears and our loves. The secret is realizing we are doing it. It’s understanding we are often having an emotional response that has nothing to do with the individual and everything to do with our own energy.
My ego, probably like yours, is a perfectionist whose demands no one could ever live up to. When I let her run amok in my head she builds me up and then cuts me off at the knees. Whenever my ego gets a hold of the reins chaos follows. Egos are fearful and fragile, they need constant special attention. I have finally come to realize my soul is a much better leader. She could care less about opinion, she just wants to love and have fun.
So here I am trying to promote my book- again. Early on, when the first copies came out, I was terrified to have people read it. I spent a couple of years selling or giving copies away to friends and family and carefully expanding that circle a bit. The reviews (personal notes, emails and verbal) were not what I expected, they were deeper and more personal. Beautiful, kind, warm and very moving. In being so open I had touched a chord, we are as the truly inspirational Maya Angelou stated in Human Family “We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike.” And I saw this through responses and the conversations were beautiful…Yet still, with all the support I received I stopped there. Why?
Energy, I think I was material world tired. My thoughts were focused on everything that was difficult as opposed to the excitement of launching a book. All I heard was that publishers want authors that have platforms (read large group of followers and A huge email list ). I felt defeated. It was hard enough as an unknown to get my foot in the door and have an expert read my book, how much harder would this be without an email list; a process that did not sit well with me.
So I decided I would take my book and go at it alone. I managed to figure out how to get an ebook created and placed “You Are Not The Boss Of Me”on Amazon. And there, without a platform or a marketing budget, “Boss” remained in nowhere land, home of the insecure.
Until now. Now, after a few years in exile slaying dragons and facing fears I have resurfaced on the other side. It was like walking out of that long dark tunnel, I made it into the light again. I love this new way of living. It is accepting and freeing. This complete knowing that I need not fear or try to be something I am not. My opinion does not matter, and I love this, I love that I do not have to save the world with my words. What matters is the hope and promise and positivity that I share. People do not need my negative energy and fearful thoughts anymore then I need theirs. Expansive communication is all about solutions and possibilities, the good stuff.
So this is a big part of my lessons in exile. I have decided to try and follow only my intuition… Intuition is the inner knowing, it’s the awareness of energy, the understanding that we are made of energy and of course it matters. This is not weird and outlandish mysticism, (although I do love that stuff) this is scientific, chemical, physics. When we tend to our spiritual, emotional, intellectual energy our physical energy will follow, it has too.
Absolute law of attraction joy. Create the energy, create the vibration and then live in it. What we extend we receive, extend only loving words and energy and you will find it coming to you from everywhere. Happiness, gratitude, it all follows the same law of giving and receiving.
At the beginning of this piece I mentioned I was going to share something I would never have done in my cool days….. Here goes. When my book giveaway promotion on goodreads started on Saturday and I saw over 150 people sign up within the first few hours I was giddy with excitement. I was elated and I was dancing and stepped way beyond the coolness or aloofness of smirking. I shared over FaceTime with my 21 year old daughter and together the energy ramped up even more. We created this amazing vibe for the day. By the time I went to bed my book requests reached 300. What a wonderful feeling it was, but made so much better by my willingness to let go and embrace the gift.
My old way of thinking would have compared, and doubted, and worried and found a plethora of ways to remain low key so I was not disappointed or hurt. That ego of fear while trying to protect my heart from the pain of disappointment has unwittingly been denying me joy.
This energy and the source I am tapping into, all I can say is I want everyone to experience this. I am cool alright, but I am no longer an aloof tough cool, I am a Hippy kind of cool. It’s all about speaking and living from the heart not the ego mind. The energy of love is real and it does not conform to societies walls, it removes them. It is such a wonderful thing to express our energy without fear, to realize we are all here to create and enjoy these good vibrations.